Re: Challenges of parenting (2) - Vanguard

By Yetunde Arebi

Hi,
Sometime ago, we published a series of narratives on the problems of parenting in modern day Nigeria and how it can be effectively tackled. The piece you will be reading today is a contribution from a young lady. Please note that there is no time limit to contributions on any issue raised on this column. You may still send in your views on this or any of the topics raised on this column. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos and e-mail address: thehumanangle93@yahoo.com? Happy reading!
The article you will be reading today is a contribution from one of our readers also. I find his views quite interesting and educative.

Dear Yetunde,
The issue of parenting could be tasking for many parents especially with the economic situation in Nigeria. Many parents find it difficult to exert much control and supervision over their children since they are busy chasing money.

But then, the family needs the money in order to be able?to take care of its basic needs?so that life will be meaningful.
You need the money as a family but that should not be at the expense of catering for your children?s other needs which go beyond financial needs.

From the story under review, Chief Tony meant well for his?family and that was why he kept traveling to different countries to make money as a businessman.

He knew that staying at home will never give him the wherewithal to cater for his family financially. He loved his son?Segun?and wanted the?best for him but his?constant absence from home as a father still left much to be desired.
The fact is that, money alone cannot take care of a child. Children need both financial, emotional and as well as psychological care from parents and when any of these is lacking, there will be problem either now or later.

Parents should realize that to successfully bring up children, it takes a whole lot of efforts and sacrifice.
A lot of resources are required to bring up children and one very important resource?is?having quality time for the child.
There is the need for parents?to?have time to constantly monitor the progress of their children and also?impart positively into these children who are leaders of tomorrow.

Parents should not just give birth to children for the sake of it but should have a plan on how they intend to take care of these children and therefore make concerted efforts to accomplish such plan.

No matter how you look at it, whatever a child will become in life is greatly determined by the parents. Parents can set the pace for the success or failure of their children by their actions or inactions as the case may be.

As a result, the society will be better off today if parents live up to their responsibilities towards their children. Crime and other social vices would be greatly reduced if children are properly nurtured in all ramifications by their parents who incidentally are their first teachers and first point of contact with the society.

When a family decides that the wife should become a full time housewife as in the case of Segun?s mum, there is nothing wrong with this to an extent. As long as the man of the house earns as much income as to cater for the family needs, the woman would do well to take care of the home front which incidentally is the exclusive preserve of women.

But as a man, even if I am a globe-trotter and I travel all over the world for business, why would I not be able to find time to be with my son once in a while to monitor and counsel him so that he can feel the presence of his father?

Can business or career success without a corresponding success at the home front be justified? Should the home front be sacrificed for the sake of business or career and if?one is to be preferred to the other which would it be? I think that parents would do better to set their priorities right and do the right thing at the right time.

Although it is not easy but with efforts and prayers you will get there. Chief Tony was just not available at the home front when his son Segun needed him most to play that fatherly role.

There are times when a child would be confused about something and would turn to his parents to get clarifications and when the parent is not there, the child would have no option than to confide in a stranger who may end up misleading such child. For Chief Tony and many other parents in his shoes, it is just not enough to send money to your family and think that because you always send them money then all is well with them.

You have to create time to be with your children once in a while no matter how busy you may be in order to see to their emotional and psychological welfare which money can never take care of no matter how you dish out the money to them.

Another issue is that for every landmark step a child undertakes, there is the need for at least one of the parents to be available to offer counseling and words of advice.

For Segun to have secured admission into the university and?his father could not find time to at least come home that period?and give him some words of advice?left much to be desired.

In the university, his poor academic performance as a result of his constant fellowships cannot be blamed on anybody because there are students that actively take part in church activities while on campus and still do excellently well in their studies.

He only did not know how well to manage his time?and know when to read and when to go for fellowships.

As a result of his desperation to read harder and remedy his poor academic performance, he unwittingly joined a bad gang who initially pretended to be purely academic and harmless but alas they were bad boys affiliated to another group of cultists and before long, Segun was introduced to their dangerous world of partying, drinking,womanizing and sex.

That is the usual story of cult groups.

They always lure their unsuspecting and na?ve victims into believing that by joining them, they would make money, be highly protected or pass their exams in flying colours.

But after crossing the Rubicon, these new converts would later discover that those were empty promises after all and only a bait to lure them into their devilish society of blood suckers.

They believe they possess enormous powers and are usually involved in other violent crimes such as armed robbery, rape, kidnapping, assassination and so no. But they never end well. It is either they are eventually arrested or killed in one of their nefarious and clandestine operations or?they are killed by a rival cult group. In this case, nemesis caught up with them and they were eventually arrested. This is usually one of the prizes parents have to pay for not properly monitoring their children and following them up ??bumper-to-bumper?? if possible.
Therefore, no matter the constraints, parents should strive not only to provide for the financial and material needs of their children and families but should also ensure that their emotional and psychological needs are taken care of as well in order to enhance the children?s?developmental capabilities.

Tayo Demola
Director/CEO, Book Editors Nigeria, Lagos

Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/re-challenges-of-parenting-2/

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